Farewell to a friend

I lost my Grandfather a couple days back (21 Aug). He has been a friend and guide to me for many many years and already, I'm missing him in more ways than one. He started his life in a village Kunnisery, Kerala and moved to Vellore town where for many years he worked in Mani's cafe, then on to Bombay for a few years to practice prohitham and finally to Chennai to be with his grandchildren and continue work in the city. He is an old-school, pre-independence days', self-taught Man and one with many amazingly good qualities.

Timeliness and Timelessness: His principle is to be before time for any appointment or event. Everything is planned, everyone pushed, put into action to be before time so that no one should be left waiting. Time is a great tool with him, that he never wasted (When we were kids and used to say - 'We are bored', invariably his reply used to be 'I do not know what is boredom and neither should you'), utilizing every moment fully. He seemed to have an inner clock so that if we promise something in 30 minutes, he would be there in exactly 30 minutes to remind, irrespective of whether there is a clock or watch nearby. At the same time, he always seemed to have time for learning, helping others, or to comfort/encourage anyone with problems. If you had a problem and if you wanted to talk, it is as if he did not have anything to do at all and would give full attention, time and encouraging words. I would especially cherish the many talks that I've had in our terrace after dinner, he sitting on the overhead tank and I walking/talking/discussing my latest projects/plans etc.

Affection: For the 40 years I've known him and more and more in the last 20 years, he showered and blessed everyone with affection. Anyone who has interacted with him for a day or two, is touched - My school/college friends, Nurses in the hospital, physiotherapist, kids, anyone. Never a rude word. Never saying “I am busy”. He had a wonderful working relationship in Vellore where he could borrow money from his boss, try out a venture, close it down and come back and rejoin the same job. Not once but many times and this was 50 years back. He initially earned this by his service, affection, diligence and to many reasons. 

Perseverance & Will power: Perseverance has been part of all his life - Surviving droughts, moving to new cities, trying out different businesses, passing through tough times. Till his late 80s he would do exercise of 30 minutes or so, daily in our open terrace. At 91, he had the will power to do exercise in the hospital bed at 3.00 a.m. If something is asked of him with love, he will exert himself, through sheer will power to help, respond to the affection.

Learning: Having gone to school only till 3rd standard, he had an unquenchable thirst for knowing and learning. Nothing stops him from understanding something at its core. He studied the Vedas for many years, studied all kinds of books from great leaders/writers - Vivekananda, Ramakrishna, Swami Dayanand Saraswati, Kanchi seers, Science books, Mystery books, Political books.  During my Engineering days, if he read about any scientific/Electronic news, he would show and discuss with me. When he was about 77, during his trip to U.S., he asked me to explain the internet to him and I drew the various components and explained. When he was 89/90, he read all 10 books of my sister's M.A.”Yoga for Human Excellence” and even discussed, argued and praised various portions of the books. If I had spent a bit more time, I’m sure he would’ve mastered basic internet and mobile phones, latest technology etc. 

Enterprise: Part-time business, full time businesses, writing to someone in France to import Chicory to India, Hotels, Selling cloths, many many attempts at entrepreneurship. It certainly rubbed off on my dad who tried various things like newspaper delivery, Liquid Soap/Cleaning powder manufacture, Cloth trading, Fitting emergency lamps etc and to me running a software company. He encouraged and funded my first venture with my friends - Designing and printing PCB boards for a big Car dealer/repair shop.

During the last days in hospital, his one wish after discharge was to be able to help me in my business.

Nationalist: He was a staunch believer in Gandhi and Gandhian Principles. He had taken part in rallies, meetings and demonstrations. He had met leaders like Rajaji, Kamaraj, CS, and others. With an acute interest in politics, He has always been concerned about nation, defense, foreign affairs. Even a week before, on Aug 15th, myself and my wife took his flag (Swaraj flag with Spinning wheel in the middle) and hoisted it in our terrace. He reminded us for hoisting at 8.00 a.m., reminded us to bring it down by 6.00 and rejected our one more request/attempt at washing it (lest it loses its color). 

Action: His lifestyle is lead with Action. If there is a chance to act, Convey an opinion, or take a stand, he always did, Ready to raise voice against wrong-doers. When our temple got a new Gurukkal (he was helping till then), he stood against the new management committee to ensure a better livelihood for the new priest. At any point there is no hesitation for repercussions, no waiting for someone to take lead etc. If there is a need to act, he would’ve acted already!.

Family values: Family, Taking care of his grand kids, helping out his son and daughter were always on his mind. He would have a very busy day - Doing poojas in different places, but would invariably rush back home by 2.30 so that in initial days he can pick us up at school and walk us home, and in later days myself and my sister will have someone at home. As soon as we enter, the stove will start. Before we clean ourselves and come to the table, hot food will be ready. He was the caretaker, nurse, confidant for us.

Optimism: His life was full of optimism, improvement, encouragement. No small dreams or wishes for him. All little girls should be as brave as Indira Gandhi. All company owners should thing big, take care of employees and keep growing.  Every student should think big, Invent something or do something special for the country. He was always ready to take challenges including his hospital days and nursing days, ready to exercise a bit more, ready to try to walk a bit more. He was one elder/senior citizen who took to the catheter and diapers so nicely. In his words diapers were "God's gift", mainly because he need not disturb anyone during nights. Always ready to oblige a smile and share a nice gesture.

Respect for labour: He respected the workers/laborers most - Asking the naysayers "If he does not do this will you do it?" Delivery boys used to get something to drink, cleaners, and any labour got much affection, respect and help. Our servant maid will always get coffee first - Not just plain coffee, but with lot of respect. The moment she enters the gate, coffee preparation will start, and before she starts any work, she will have the steaming cup of coffee on hand. When his hotel closed, he had 6 months pay due to his 4 employees. He rejoined his job back at 16Rs/month. Kept 2/Rs out of every pay packet, paid 50ps. To each of them till the due was cleared. He was very impressed in a MacDonalds in U.S. when he saw a man with tie and “manager” badge cleaning the tables. He used to repeat it many times to me and my friends. That was the ethics that he lived by. Anyone who worked got an extra dose of respect from him.

Others before thyself:  He always had time to show concern of others. Immediate questions will be on the person or something important to him. Nothing vague, very specific. 

How is your company going? Are you getting orders? Are you hiring new people?

How is your brother doing after the accident? Did you give him money to help? 

How is your father doing? Is he recuperating? How is your daughter doing at school?

How is studies going on? Study well, that's the one thing that will stand by you always, in these times.

When we were nursing him, if my dad (his son) or me ask him whether he feels like bathing today, he replies to my dad would be "If you feel strong enough and if you can, then please do it. If you don't feel well, we don't have to have today". For me, it would be  "If you have time, please do it".

When our next door neighbour's baby suddenly fainted, he just picked her up and ran to the nearest hospital without waiting for anything.

This has been such a consistent pattern that at any time his thoughts are about the other person, his concerns, his important things in life, that at some point, we all felt that we don't know him quite enough, since most of the time he showed the interest in us and our priorities.

Service with a smile: Service was never a chore, rather a thing he looked forward to.  Service to loved ones, travelling any distance for a small job or spending a small time, Service to community – When we moved to our current community, there was no power and thefts were happening. He would participate in the night rounds so diligently (sometimes with no company) saying “if we won’t protect our houses, who will?’, Service to anyone who needs help – all were usual and regular part of his life.

Health & Discipline: He maintained excellent health. Daily exercise for years till late 80s. No strains/stress/pressures. He was strong mentally and physically. The discipline of Food, timings and discipline in everything served him very well.  

I am sure I can go on and on. It is very surprising how someone with a 3rd term studies/schooling can be so broad-minded, so learned and live a life full of values, teaching and sharing.

He was a super man and Super hero. I hope I'll be able to gain/practice/retain some of the good qualities atleast in portions if not in full. That would make me many times the person that I’m now.

God be with you. I am Lucky to be touched by your kindness. Will miss you in this physical world in many ways.